drarna:

i hate that saying about “if someone is in your dreams that means they miss you” because danny devito has made numerous cameo appearances in my dreams before and i somehow doubt he misses me

1plus1chainz:

IML AUGHING S OMUCH OMG THIS MAKES LITERSALLY ZERO SENSE LIKE ISTHE CUPBOARD TOOO LOUD WHEN HE OPENNS IT????H OW DOES TH AT HAPPEN OMG I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND

awkwardvagina:

awkwardvagina:

i just fell down the stairs and my mum took a photo

incase u think im lying

long-romantic-walk-to-the-fridge:

getting google translate to say bad words because you’re HARDCORE

timelyburden:

timelyburden:

Once my dad got a nail stuck in his eye so he had to get this cotton patch taped over it and while he slept I drew an eye on it and put makeup on it and coincidentally my dads name is Joe so I think you know where this is going

My dad was the real Cotton eyed joe

I wasn’t kidding… dont judge the artistic part of it i was 9 and he is a light sleeper

deathpup:

shrexything:

babyferaligator:

oomshi:

is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing 

no its called highjacking

guys no it’s weedwhacking

no its called dissapointing ur mother

in-wonderland-blame-the-nargles:

hiddlestalker:

sara-martins95:

tessaviolet:

vintage-aerith:

vantasticmess:

EVERY TIME this crosses my dash I consider reblogging it because this is my life

oh same

I like how sympathetic Marge is.

i need Marge as my mom

BUT SHE’S FICTIONAL TOO *cries*

my life in a gif

durational:

people complain about auto correct but it’s helpful 99% of the titties 

buttermilkqueen:

jesuspassesontheright:

buttermilkqueen:

subway??? no man this is domway. we tell you how you want your sandwich and u shut up and eat it

Hi Erika.

hey. its been too long man. how have u been? hows ur mom and pop. and the kids, are they doin alright. also my name isnt erika.

jaclcfrost:

do you ever feel like mike wazowski

kurloser:

mikerickson:

i didn’t know it was possible to trust someone this much

IS THAT A FUCKING RUBBER BAND JESUS CHRIST I COULD CRY